Archive for June, 2012

Dear Bartender…

Friday, June 29th, 2012

I am (almost) sorry, upon some reflection.

You see, for me as an actor tonight, I killed it. I nailed it to the fucking wall and I slit its throat and drained it dry of blood. And I unapologetically loved every second of that.

I’m too real for Hollywood. I’ve said that before and I’ll say it again. I refuse to play “pretty” girls and I am happiest when I am madly in love with a project and its people and I am in over my head. I get a little method, and I go to darker places whenever I can and I care too fucking much about everything and everyone, and nothing makes me happier than when it’s all more real than reality and we are making a beautiful mess.

And that’s what happened tonight, when me as a character was indistinguishable from a “real” person. And I made someone so viscerally angry at that ‘betrayal’ that they reduced me to tears in their own indignation, after they told me something highly personal. But you know what? That other person was an actor too, and they should have fucking known better.

Me as a person? I get it. I get that pain, and like I told you in person I don’t betray other people’s secrets. But that other person also crossed a fucking line that I didn’t see coming – and that threw me for a serious loop. Whatever they brought to it – their own pain, their own bitterness at acting defeats, their apparent shame… that is their problem, not mine. Because I did my job, and I did it so well that it was seamless enough to con another con artist. And for that, I’m proud. I did my job well.

At the end of it? My people picked my ass up and we carried on – and that trust is the greatest feeling in the world. That is why I will continue to act: to tell these stories and to move people, and to be a part of more. Give me a challenge and I’m going to push at it twice as hard, no matter what shit people talk. Backing down or quitting is not in my repetoire.

And at the end of it all, I left the character and went and played pinball and ate octopus balls with my fiance, because that is an Emily thing and I’m more than my past experiences and my work and my people. So, bartender, I hope that you find the same thing someday and that you get over “being on stage.” Because I would rather just be, whatever that means in a particular moment.

swish

ETA: I just realized that this blog post made it sound like someone within the project upset me. That’s not the case. It was a complete stranger who was in the public space where we were performing (and this other person, who was actually bartending, also happened to be an actor) who was clearly triggered by my performance. It’s a lot to think about, but at the end of it, I refuse to see any fault in my giving a good performance.

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Lucky Bitches

Saturday, June 9th, 2012

lucky bitch

Yeah, that would be me. And now, you too.

See, I’ve been doing a whole lot of business and personal development as of late. I (gasp / shock / horror) have taken on work outside of acting – working as a kickass modern Joanie as an office manager for a kickass company. Why? Because, in part, weddings are fucking expensive and I deserve to have the wedding of my dreams. Which, btw, I now have only 363 days to plan. Oh my god you guys!

Obligatory bridezilla gushing aside… no, really. I’ve discovered some awesome resources for acting/life-in-general coaching, and I think you should check these folks out. In no particular order, they are:
-The Lucky Bitch herself – Denise Duffield-Thomas
-Marie Forleo – quirky and passionate career coaching
-Dallas Travers – the actor’s advocate, she’s sincere and spot-on
-The Savvy Actor – marketing tips designed specifically for actors
-Smart Girls Productions – especially US-focused tips for actors
- Gwyn – The Actor’s Market

There’s a few more but these ones really stuck out.

One concept that’s really stuck with me is the idea of an upper limit problem – that is, things have suddenly been so awesome (like way more than ever before) and all of a sudden some really shitty things have started/been happening. You know, things like getting arrested for telling the truth about surviving an abusive ex and domestic violence, and having a bunch of “friends” decide to turn on me and support the abuser. A taxi driver rear-ending me and trying to blame me for it. Or, like what happened yesterday, this web TV show I was supposed to do falling through at the last second because once my first guest and I had arrived to film, the creep-o decided that he was “cancelling our appointment”. Which, btw, he didn’t even have the courage to say to my face. He’s also trying to get out of paying me for the prep work and the shoot date, which I think is bullshit and I won’t stand for. Apparently he has no idea of my lucky streak with winning court cases.

Yes, it’s all kind of shitty, but I’m quite certain that all this is happening because I have gotten a lot more firm about not accepting assholes into my life. That includes asshole cops, asshole men, asshole “friends”, asshole “business associates”, and so forth.

With the creepo from RemicTV, Frank Corbin, I made the mistake of giving him the benefit of the doubt when he “joked” about hiring my services sexually. The fact that he was looking for edgy shows for his web TV station and I had proposed one regarding sex and sexuality does not excuse his behaviour. Hindsight may be 20/20, but I am making everyone aware of his actions and holding him accountable for his inappropriate and unprofessional behaviour, both toward the way he spoke to me and the deciding to cancel the shoot when I was already there.

All that aside. YES, I am always looking for new opportunities and people to work with, and YES I will always 110% be willing to give to anyone who needs my help, but from here on in I am holding EVERYONE accountable for their actions. You tell me you’re doing something, I expect that it will get done. I expect the same thing of myself. If I do work for you, you are sure as fuck paying me for my time and talents in whatever way we agree upon. I am not an actor because I want to work for free for the rest of my life. You wouldn’t work retail or restaurant or pick up garbage for free, why should it be any different in the arts? I give only as good as I get from here on in.

There’s some exciting biz dev news coming up, but I’ll share that when I can. In the meantime, bring it on, universe. I’m just gonna keep smashing through the challenges you send my way and coming out on top.

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Theatre FTW.

Wednesday, June 6th, 2012

Dahlia

Oh hi there. So, in the past three weeks, I’ve had the distinct pleasure of working with Sky Gilbert, Volcano Theatre, and a brand new awesome group of people known The Mission Business, on a fun little project called Zed.TO. So, life has been awesome, long story short.

With Sky, I was working on a show called Kitchen Party Nervous Breakdown Reality TV Show – it was a fantastic opportunity to create with other queer theatre artists. One of the things I loved most is that it made me more aware of the dualities that exist in the performing world for non-straight artists: while I still often get pereceived as heteronormative, in truth I am anything but, and I still often am far more drawn to the ‘quirky’ characters rather than the normal ones. Which, really, explains a lot. (If anything, I have had more unique sexual experiences than most people I know – but more on that in a second.)

The Volcano piece was created through Informing Content, an awesome two-day seminar about site-specific theatre, location/dislocation, Lawrence Welk, zombies, democracy, gypsies, and laying prostrate on the floor. It was intense in ways I didn’t expect (mostly, a lot more cerebral than most of my theatre work as of late) but I am very proud of the outcome. I think my problem was that I had too many ideas, was frustrated that I was unfocused, and was frustrated that I didn’t get to use a lot of my ideas… but I don’t think it could’ve come out better if it had been planned. We basically spent the first day brainstorming, the second morning choreographing, and the afternoon/evening rehearsing and performing. People were overwhelmed, I heard some amazing life histories, and I am now suffering serious glitter withdrawl. It was exactly what I needed.

Zed is my current big project, and is pretty much the best ‘theatre’ piece I have ever worked on. I always feel a bit disloyal to old projects when I fall in love with something new, but it’s seriously – in terms of scope, people, plot – something I am seriously smitten with. We have a NXNE, a Fringe, and a Nuit Blanche event… plus one more after that. I found the audition originally by accident through a friend’s FB post, and in an event of amazing synchronicity this is pretty much everything I could’ve hoped for. I have the best fucking sandbox ever to play in, and all of you had better come out to the Fringe event at least one night to experience the event at least one of the ways you might see it. I’m being a little cryptic here, admittedly… your best bet is to check out ByoLogyc’s VIP site, and tell them a lady named Dahlia Joss that I sent you.

Lastly, I’ve got MORE good news – I am piloting a show called SexYOUality on Remic.TV. Basically, it’s the show with no taboos, and we’ll be talking about everything to do with sex and sexuality with an array of amazing guests. I film my first few episodes tomorrow, so stay tuned for more info on airtimes soon!

Here’s to summer!

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